The Selfish Truth

How do you grow up? Each day you wake with confusion, Paranoia and distress. Constant worry and overthinking. Torn between your priorities, Always sure to disappoint. By now, your dreams are dissipating. Your hopes are diluting. And pain is your oldest friend. Everyone around you is happy But you. Your juvenile tears roll down and bear no meaning. Each day your life is more cruel  than the day before. We try and try To wear a weary smile when our souls are trapped in agony. You drag your feet behind you. No longer do you wish to pull through. But you do it anyways. Repeatedly you remind yourself you cannot go lower than this. Only to find out that... Life is an abyss with no end, No limit to pain or sorrow Or happiness or hope. It's just a plane... Where you fight to survive. And in the end, We all digress and rot From the inside- out.

As the crests of the liquid mirror faced me - I gazed upon its critical eyes  in a hazy attempt  to crawl into my own shadow. That split second stretches into a millennium's worth of condescending judgements. At half a heartbeat, the soul sunk so deep in a pursuit for justification. You drift into a celestial realm of uncertainty, a cloud of unsaturated doubt. Who am I? (An artist's obsession...) On a constant loop you watch your existence racing into oblivion.  You thirst for validation To be counted for purpose.

A ferocious roar to one's ear, Roots you from your own foundation. Loses all values to one belief. All passion concentratedly channelled to one mirage... This beautiful creature. An abominable attraction that defies all laws of nature Abruptly robs you off of yourself. With no hesitation leaps into your own quietus That blindly corrupts your soul inch by inch. Time will someday reveal it all When it is too late and it's claws have sunken deep into your bones. That inextinguishable thirst of self-inflicted sadism called human nature. Some call it love I am yet to give it a name. They say you have to give one to take one... I say... I have found him And lost myself. Dare they say it's a bed of roses... It's only a dead sea away from quiet absolution. The question is... after knowing all this, Do I still want it? Yes.

The still mist in an empty bottle, A tear fixed to your cheek as time froze... For a moment there, I thought- I could no longer see or be heard.. Cooped up by unknown sorcery that no one can comprehend... I was alone! A moment... Just one tiny moment that stood still, And I'm lost. This stillness devoured every drop of hope I have left. This... this... This strong and undefinable urge, to wake up. I have no one, No one to depend on! No one to look forward to.. No one worth the effort! I managed to divulge my shadow And go to new lows Yet I feel nothing. I am alone! But this is not my time, not yet! Maybe others are plotting oh! the verbal atrocities... Will I still make it?? I wonder.. But for now, I shall roll like a ball in a corner... While I wait- I shall wait Till my time has come but until then I shall remain a shadow in the dark... Waiting...

The carnage of emotions, the prolonging guilt Of growing evils and unnecessary drama. The avenging arm-fold of  the old-SELF! Waters of the dead sea eats up to your chin now... The sodom of your old empty soul, depraving oneself off  the innocence we once had-- Just a Fantasy now? A fairy tale that we have no memory of. Do people actually remember their innocence? I say none. I don't believe so. Innocence is ignorance of reality. The everlasting urge for innocence  is useless, Survival is achieved  when innocence is relieved from our minds and soul. Reality is the abandonment of idealism. Now... instead of wasting your time wanting what you don't need, Lets take a minute to reprocess... Innocence is the antagonist of rationality, it is vulnerability  that will drown you in this concrete world. It is a risk that will guarantee you  grief and shakable existence. a murderous tool  that'l...

  Death.... Gruesome, horrifying! Is it the fear of loss or the fear of transcendence? Is it really as terrifying as people say it to be? Pondering on this, I come to wonder... Death doesn't really mean an end. Nor is it a birth!!  It is a state of absolution, an opportunity to disappear into  the background of space. A chance to forget the torment of life, the helplessness of bounded freedom. ... But... Just as we want to be seen,                                                               we want to be unseen.                     ...

  How do we know what we see is true? My eyes may see what yours can't Heck! An eye may see what the other eye can't... What still remains the question is- Am I seeing the same thing as you are? Pink may be black for all we know but the generalization that has been taught to us, to create a harmony and general view of everything around us... Is the greatest deception,  A Lie!! A big Farce!! To nature and to ourselves... We do not know anything, yet we still try to prove ourselves geniuses. But in the defense of mankind, we are just trying to survive. Then why do we still have to stick to primitive Ideals??? Why is it that we do not sit and embark on better ways to solve this problem? Here we stumble upon another question... Does anyone even take notice?